Sink.
19 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
I had the most terrifying dream last night. I woke up at a start to pitch blackness. I checked my surroundings to make sure I was awake. I wanted proof that the dream was over, that all the horrible images I had seen in my head, the things I had to feel and the scenes I had witness had vanished and were out of reach and hopefully never to be seen again. I HAD TO MAKE SURE IT WASN’T REAL AND IT WAS ALL FANTASY, ALL IN MY HEAD, ALL OUT OF REACH. I can’t even describe what the dream was like, because merely remembering it makes me want curl into a ball and cry. I can’t say it because it feels like a taboo, like it’s too horrible to even speak of. The words I fear to utter, to speak, to ever repeat in fear of it coming true. The absurdity of it all, lies all in the fear of my heart. And yet, I can’t bring myself to say it. Because I can’t bring myself to believe it would ever happen. I can’t begin to describe what it felt like in the dream, the burning hatred, the anger, the grief. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and my words came out slurred; I was in a state of shock, bewilderment, loss. Nothing made sense; I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to run, to fight, and to cry my heart out. It wasn’t anything like being chased or attacked, it could hardly compare to the hardship I have felt before. The dream had taken hold of me, gripped me and dragged me into oblivion, sucking me into this fantasy, this horrendous fictional tale that was unraveling before me; horrible and uncontrollable.
I go back to where I was before the dream; conscious, awake and alive. There I am in bed again, awake once more, having lived this treachery in my dream but shaking myself awake to find it slowly slip away, like sand between my fingers and coming to a realization, with such relief, that none of it was real. The images however, bits and pieces, fragments of the dream were still stuck in my memory, and I began to cry. I clutched my blanket and sunk my head in my pillow, aware that I was fully awake now, no longer dreaming. I began to cry. My shoulders shook and it wasn’t the type of crying where tears simply rolled down your cheeks, but more like the kind of crying where someone is a victim of having witnessed a tragedy. I was traumatized. My mouth spread across my face and I found myself whimpering in sorrow, tears covering my cheeks. I stopped abruptly and for a second, the silence engulfed me, there seemed to be a possibility my dream had been real and I had miraculously ended up in the comfort of my warm, comfortable bed.
I had to check. I had to hold someone. I had to make sure it wasn’t real and that everybody was breathing. I slowly creeped into the bathroom, and saw my mom laying in bed. All I wanted to do was crawl in with her, so if I had another dream I could find myself holding her, and I would be certain I was back in reality. There was no room in the bed, but I stood there and watched. Hurriedly, feeling relieved but still slightly frightened and alone, I went back to my bed and dissolved into deep sleep; the kind where you dream of nothingness and nothing more.
Later on, it dawned on me. I had quite often had nightmares about myself being hurt, chased, as well as attacked. But the one thing I had never dreamt of properly was the loss of a loved one. Death itself to me can’t be compared to losing someone you’ll always love. All I can do is pray that that nightmare never comes to life.
Haters Gonna Hate
15 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
I gave myself a hearty little pep talk today.
I’m going to turn the tables. I’ll ignore the irrelevant things. I’ll put a smile on my face. I’ll forgive and forget. I’ll be faithful to my moral values and God. I’ll screw what anyone says. I’ll live life to the fullest. I’ll have no regrets.
I’ll become successful. I’ll gain all the knowledge in the world. I’ll travel the globe. I’ll learn every language.
That’s where I see myself in the future and that’s exactly where I’m heading.
Because the beautiful thing is, I have a chance to fight for what I want. To believe and to achieve.
And if it doesn’t work? I can always be a motivational speaker cause you know you love it when I go all “Somewhere over the rainbow” on you guys.
your argument will always be invalid
14 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in other words,
shut the fuck up and let the beauty in this unleash itself upon you.
My dreams… Such peculiar things
14 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
What is this blog? A collection of all the weird and wonderful things that happen exclusively inside my mind?
…Well basically yeah, I think I got it spot on LOL
Okay, Enough of the teetering and hullabaloo, let’s get rockin’
Dream 1 (This happened on a separate night)
So, it was a mixture of Harry Potter + Fifa World cup. Which is basically everything that is of my life right now, thank you very much?
We (as in me and some random person I really can’t remember anymore) were looking around what seemed to be a mixture of Hogwarts and some sort of theme park, and Torres was helping me a lot, on this quest to find bat wings and stew balls or something. and then suddenly, we were in Brazil, for the 2010 FIFA world cup finals (wut) and they brought BACK brazil to play (even though they already went out )and instead of playing soccer, they had this weird relay cross country thingo and BRAZIL FREAKING WON and I’m like wut wut wut, and I saw the crushed looks on the Spanish team’s face and was like “this is not happening”. And it wasn’t, cause I woke up 
Dream 2
Went back to CCKSS for a matter of days, and insisted on schooling again. So mr loy xing jian took me in as his Chinese student and I STILL had to go for remedial even though I wasn’t even a proper student there. For some reason lizhe went to the remedial too and we both got talent spotted to host some wildlife show where we put frogs under magnifying glasses and listen to their croaks. HMMM. And then on the night of the world cup final (somehow there’s always a link back) I had to go back to school no matter what my argument was. Even “But I don’t even go there” didn’t work.
Dream 3
My primary school friend Amanda had used my phone and somehow texted Johnny Depp (haha guys not giving you his number.) and then we had a primary school excursion, so we were in the bus and Johnny Depp came over, and he flirted with Amanda. So I was like *OH MY GAD ITS J DEPPY* and started stuttering and stumbling like a moron, and so I was like, “damn I wish I was in the toilet to text you instead ha-ha” and he was all, “You’re really freaky.. fancy wanting to talk to me in the toilet.” So my jaw dropped (it probably dropped while I was sleeping too. That’s how offended I was.) and so I decided to sod everything in the world, except for jellytyrez. And so, we headed off to some weird place with scary staircases with huge gaps in between each step and clara seemed to have disappeared somewhere (such a typical Clara move). So it was left with the terrific trio, as we climbed the freaky doinky stairs while linking arms. Then, I tripped on Gladys’ sandal, and trishna hit her head and everyone blamed me. Then some random lady came up and told us to take a book to give her mom to explain everything. She also told us not to take a Johnny Depp related one cause she’ll find out for sure we were hanging with him. (-_- I don’t even..) and then we were walking with a swagga and Fernando torres was with us the whole time, and got really upset+bitchfaced cause we totally didn’t acknowledge his presence.
Ok.
Fin.
Last FIFA World Cup Related Post? Not a chance, homies.
12 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
VIVA LA FURIA ROJA!!!!!
Right after their victory, the song “We are the Champions” by Queen was stuck in my head. So very relevant.
I’m just posting all this cause I’m overjoyed, in love with 20 men and am savouring the habit of wasting time because school’s about to start and I won’t be able to do any more of it. I’m also hoping the Spanish team might accidentally click on this link and admire my sincerity, passion, charm and wit *ahem* and sponteously fall in love with me, without thinking I’m just a crazy fangirl with stalkerish tendancies? Damn, a girl can only dream.
Here are just some memorable moments for me and I wanna say a little sumthin sumthin to my babies. [Cause they’ll read this one day fo sho.]
ANDRES INIESTA YOU ARE DUBBED MAN OF THE MATCH. The beauty of your playing is that you pass the ball to others and count on teamwork, except once you had control of the ball yesterday, there really was no stopping you. I reckon the whole team should shave their heads in your honour. DUDE. YOU. ROCK. MY. WORLD.
SAN IKER CASILLAS QUERIDO, YOU ARE KING. YOU ARE SO BLOODY FLAWLESS AND I THINK WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You, 104% without a doubt deserved winning the Golden Glove because of your ninja quick reactions and PERFECT SAVES. (Dude you actually never let the ball go into the net cause it always falls gracefully into your arms and you make it look so bloody easy, when trust me, it isn’t.) (Or maybe I’m just crap) (Nah, you’re perfect, but dude they said you didn’t save the goal during the Swiss match cause of your girlfriend? EH? WHAT’S HAPPENIN HERE WHAT DID I EVEN DO NOW. Our wild night together must have caused your exhaustion HAHAHAHA.) (Ok enough now.)You’re half the reason Spain has won the worldcup, you amazing amazing man. Geezles, I love you and your amazing “Bitch I got this” faces.
CESC FABREGAS YOU STUDMUFFIN, get over here! Once they put you on I was like “FINALLY!” I was outraged because you’re freakin’ captain of Arsenal and you got barely any time on the field at all. Not to mention you’ve never started a match so far! But you kept a positive attitude and helped the team a lot yesterday. THANK YOU CESCY. I’m rather proud to be you, according to facebook. Hahahahahhaa. Oh and p/s, I did see you shaking your butt. But I liked it.
DAVID VILLA dude, who could forget you? You’re a mighty legend in this year’s world cup tournament and we’ll never forget the 5 FRIGGIN GOALS YOU MANAGED TO PULL OFF BEAUTIFULLY. And even though you didn’t get the golden boot, you got the golden thumbs up FROM ME. And that’s all that really matters. [Wut] Also, your goal celebration aka the backwards run aka I have no fucking clue how you did that without colliding into someone brought me so much happiness I don’t know how to repay you.
GERARD PIQUE, you’re so precious and you bring so much energy to the field. Plus you look like a doll with those thick lips, to-die-for eyes and YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE WHEN YOU HERP DERP DERP HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh and YOU + CESC = HOT.
SERGIO RAMOS, you just get better and better don’t you? You’ve helped the team so much and you’re wicked quick. I also suggest you hurry up and get out of your closet. Cause everyone knows that you’re in love with nando, so you don’t have to hide it. PLEASE. Do us all a favour. And I mean, favour. *Heh*
FERNANDO TORRES, you’ve been underperforming but yes, I have around 600 pictures of you in my computer, named myself Michelle Torres, shamelessly used various terms like “You. My Pants. Now” for you because of your extreme attractiveness/booty/charming smirk/freckles/thighs/thick neck/dark Spanish eyes but good attempt yesterday and I sincerely hope your hamstring heals soon. Oh and your swan/captured by pokeball dive amused me very much so.
CARLOS PUYOL, you’re the reason Espana was in the finals and I’m eternally grateful. It saddens me to know you’re retiring after this cause you’re irreplaceable. <3 AND YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER GET A HAIRCUT CAUSE IT’S BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY.
SERGIO BUSQUETS, or guy who always gets hurt, according to me. Yuwei names me after you and I sincerely don’t know why. Yesterday I also realized how you’re really quite adorable.
XAVI HERNANDEZ, you’re outstanding and I adore you. You also have the cutest face and handle the ball like a pro. Which you are. Okay. *KISS*
FERNANDO LLORENTE, I think you should get more credit for your awesomeness. Thanks for getting your tight shirt ripped off. It was the highlight of the Spain vs Chile match. Really.
JESUS NAVAS, I could die in your eyes. I was gonna say literally but then I pictured it and realized how it just wouldn’t work. In fact, ew. BUT YES, you’re a cool bean and you have stunning potential.
XABIER ALONSO you have BRILLIANT skills + brilliant chest hair :p The ninja kick you took to your chest was outrageous though, but I knew you were man enough to take it. 
I think I’ll have to check it though, yeah? Hahahahahaha.
PEDRO RODRIGUEZ, you’ve played tremendously and I can see big things in the futura for you. *applaud!* and *whispers* I think if you had passed it to torres the other night anyway? He wouldn’t have gotten it in.
DEL BOBO AKA COACH AKA BOSSMAN AKA MR. AWESOMESAUCE, you have trained your/my men well. Please smile more Also, seeing you getting tossed in the air by the boys was the. Best. Moment. Ever.
Paul the Octopus, Hi, YOU > MANKIND
Ng Siqi (he NEEDS an honourable mention here), you’re an oracle too. Why? Cause every single match you bet on, lost. So some good did come out of this. You’ve earned my appreciation. And maybe a little victory hug too. *dance*
and now I come to a close of my eternal creepiness.
The obsession will end sooner or later.
I choose later.
why dreamsicles?
08 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
because what’s better than a dream on a stick?
i dare not argue, sir.
LA FURIA ROJA ♥
08 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
CASILLAS, INIESTA, PUYOL, RAMOS, PEDRO, VILLA, PIQUE, ALONSO, SILVA, HERNANDEZ, BUSQUETS, CAPDEVILLA, TORRES
oh, and you paul
I BLOODY LOVE YOU ALL.
after party at my place.
preferably in the shower.
and if you’re worried about lack of space, we can squeeze
but if you’re claustrophobic, gtfo.
HAHAHAHAHA. sigh, i really don’t know what i’m saying.
on a side note, i really never thought of the day I’d be intensely sitting behind a TV screen, not sleeping the entire night just to catch a soccer match, literally bursting with excitement on the couch and shouting orders at different team members of a soccer team. (and blowing a kiss to torres but i do that all the time to people on tv, so.)
you might think i’m pathetic. but i think i’m passionate.
or maybe i’m just pathetically passionate.
or.. passionately pathetic
LOL. i dont even..
i’ve inhaled too much espanol fumes.
VIVA ESPANA!!!!!!!!!
12 july!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Taking my current obsession to the next level.
08 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
VIVA ESPAÑA!!!
à la team sexy.
Preparations:
- gave myself “Spanish flag” nails (on the left hand only cause I was nearly certain I’d mess the other hand up.)
- am wearing red leggings, a blue shirt and a bright yellow jacket (I figured if I wore black, it’d be too Germany-ish, therefore I chose blue cause it’s their jersey colours as well.)
- vuvuzela at the ready (I’m totally kidding guys. I know for a fact that if i owned a vuvuzela, I’d be deaf by now. >_> yes bros, i’m lookin atchu)
- my MSN picture is a headache inducing picture of Torres smiling widely and moving at different angles.
- i’ve changed my name from mrs torres to mrs everyespananationalteamplayerslastname
So i think we’re all set.
Borderline obsessed? Nawwwwwwwww.
Come on guys, I know you can do this.
even Pauly’s on your side
<3
There’s a place…
03 Jul 2010 2 Comments
Picture yourself in a boat on the river,
with tangerine trees,
and marmalade skies.
chitter chatter pitter patter